Just a Little Rant: Doctor's Offices

I was at my doctor's office this week.  I have a sinus infection.  The good news is that the appointment was for when my daughter was in preschool.  As I sat in the waiting room I realized it had been YEARS since I have been to a doctor's office alone.  It wasn't awful.  I sat in the quiet room and sipped my coffee.

Everything was fine until a pharmaceutical rep came into the waiting area.  I understand they have a job to do, but I was a paying patient.  Here, in pain, with a documented time slot (and before you know it, I have to shoot back to the preschool to get the princess. ) Not stopping by to see what I could pitch to the good doctor.

Now my doctor is running late.  I glance at my watch and while my appointment is for 9:30, it's now 10am and I'm still sitting there.  The drug rep is called in.

I wait a bit longer. 

Fifteen minutes later and another drug rep comes in.  Now I'm annoyed and ready to stand up should he be called in before me.  The office nurse comes out, calls my name and then tells the drug rep, "he'll be right with you.. he's with someone else."

If you're running late, you should not be talking to drug reps.  Drug reps; I'm sorry, but you do not get preference over the mom on a stop watch with a nasty sinus infection!

Asthma Update

I bring Zilla to my own pediatrician who is an expert in children and asthma.  He asks in his thick Russian accent, "What is happening?"  I tell him about my visit the day before to the pulmonary specialist and he smiles and says, "Let me take a look."  He listens to Zilla for a good long while.  I tell him that Zilla told me that he gets dizzy and tired when running.  He says his lungs are "perfectly normal."  (and I cannot tell you how much I wish you could hear this accent).  He said there were a few possibilities;

• exercise induced asthma
• anemic
• just hasn't learned how to regulate himself yet

We are going to try a program of albuterol when he's getting ready to be HIM and then not giving to him to see if we see a difference.  It needs to be a remarkable difference. If not, we draw some blood to see if he's anemic.  If not there, we assume that he just pushes himself too much and has to pause to take breaks.  As he matures he'll be better able to balance it all out.

Princess has been a daaahling and taking her meds with ease everyday.  The first night she woke up yelling at 3.  The second night she slept all night.  I wasn't sure if she actually slept all night so I asked my husband when he got home from work.  He assured me that she did. 

Cool.  But, not sold yet.  If she sleeps all night for one week I'll start to think there's a connection.

By the third night I had seen my own primary care physician and begged him for some sleep aids.  I took them last night and I was out in minutes which lasted straight through to this morning.  When I woke up the princess was in bed with us.  I slept right through it so I could care less.  Maybe that's the solution; Dave and I pound sleep aids before bed and she can climb in the middle and neither of us is bothered by it.  That; or a king sized bed is soon to come.

Keep Your Hands to Yourself Please

So my son Zilla started kindergarten this year.  This means we've now met all these kids that live in our neighborhood who have somehow been hidden from sight.  I'm convinced that my kids are the only ones outside, the only ones riding bikes and scooters, the only ones yelling in the yards.  Anyway, one particular boy became friendly quickly with Zilla.  Despite the nickname, Zilla is actually a very outgoing, friendly, and social child.  He has no trouble making friends.

The new boy, let's call him Jake, has a problem with keeping his hands to himself. 

Zilla got off the bus and had one red cheek.  I asked why, he was annoyed and said, "Jake keeps pushing my head into the window on the bus.  I told him to stop but he just laughs."

Oy.

The next day Zilla gets off and says that Jake pinched his butt whenever he turned to talk to someone else.  He had another red cheek and said that Jake pushed him into the window again.  He followed it with, "Can you call his Mommy and tell her?"  That was not a call I wanted to make.  I asked Max to just tell Jake that you liked being his friend but he needed to keep his hands to himself.  Zilla gave me a dirty look.

Yesterday Zilla gets off the bus with a very red cheek.  I asked, "he shove you into the window again?" 

"Yes, and this time he BIT me!"

I really needed to make a call.  Zilla has hulk-like temper and restraint.  He was getting more and more agitated.  Between his temper and the fact that he has 16 inches in height on Jake and probably 20lbs, I was getting nervous. 

The father answered and I explained who I was.  I said that Zilla really liked his son Jake but that Jake was getting physical and Zilla really wanted it to stop.  I told him that I could see Zilla was getting more and more agitated and I was worried he might get physical back.  The father said nothing but "mmmhmm" and the occasional "ok."  He never apologized or talked at all which made me even more anxious and apologetic.  Why I was apologizing when HIS son was the culprit is beyond me.   Maybe he's embarrassed, maybe he's never had this type of call, maybe his wife normally handles this sort of thing; I don't know.  But some days being a mom makes me do things I'd rather not do. 

Could It Be Asthma?

I brought Princess to the pulmonary specialist today.  I've known since last year that her sleep problems were not related to oversized tonsils and adenoids like her brothers.  But, still, the girl wouldn't sleep so something had to be wrong.  They think she has asthma.  Umm... what?  Shouldn't she be gasping for air all the time, wheezing, something?  Apparently that pesky little cough she has and the fitful sleep pattern points to asthma.  In fact, they think Zilla has it too.

Apparently asthma doesn't just show with the classic signs of straining to breathe.  When I was a teen and in various sports I had one of those puffer things.  It mostly annoyed me and I kept in the bag.  I stuck with things like sprinting so I wouldn't have to worry about not being able to get my air under control.  In fact, when I run now, I refuse to go with chatty friends.  I cannot talk and run at the same time.

We met with both the director of Pulmonology and one of her Fellows.  (I watch HOUSE so I know that a Fellow is not "just a med student.")  The geniuses said that she is clearly not sleeping judging by her dark circles.  (Did they think I was lying? Did you check MY dark circles?) They said she had a lot of swelling under her eyes and in her nose.  That, coupled with her narrow palate, makes it the perfect storm for trouble breathing when she sleeps.  In addition, she sweats a lot when she sleeps which means that she's struggling for air.  Because she wakes up so many times and so upset suggests that she couldn't breathe and got scared.  While sleeping I do hear her coughing and she's all over the bed and very restless.  Again, all classic asthma symptoms.  Maybe the Princess is NOT spoiled and actually needs some medical intervention?  Could it be that she wants to sleep as badly as we do???

In two weeks we will be doing a sleep study.  In the meantime I left with a fistful of scripts to help her breathe better through the night.  We have Nasonex to reduce the swelling in her nose, we have Flovent for her lungs, and we have a little mask to put the Flovent in so she can breathe it in.  She also has Albuterol in case she were to have an "attack" at some point. 

They casually asked about Zilla (since they were the ones to "fix" him a couple years ago).  After talking a bit they said he fit the profile and wanted to see him right away.  Zilla has bursts of energy (really big bursts too) and then has to sit and cool out.  He doesn't like doing team sports like soccer--I never put it together until we were talking.  He is awesome at soccer and I couldn't figure out why he wouldn't play.  The kid's feet are lethal.  But, the one season I had him playing went like this:  he would go out, kick the ball in the goal, and then come to me and ask if he could sit down.  He does do gymnastics each week but it is perfect for him because it's all short bursts.  Sit and wait your turn, flip and jump around, then go sit down. 

So tonight while I was doing the dinner dishes I casually asked Zilla, "do you ever feel like you can't breathe when you're running and playing?  like someone is pressing on your chest?" (And I went over and literally pressed on his chest to demonstrate.)   He kept eating his ice cream sandwich and said, "No, I just feel really tired... and I get dizzy too."

Princess freaked a bit when she saw the mask and various meds to take tonight.  I called in her big brothers and said, "help me make this fun."  They pretended to do the medicine too, said it was fun and then clapped wildly when she did it.  So far, Princess likes the attention and the medication was not an issue.  That's good; one less thing.  (She said in her best Forrest Gump impression).

Yo Gabba Kill Me

So, is it just me, or is anyone else wondering how this show got on TV and is being clumped together as an educational show.  Can you picture the pitch meeting? 

"No, see.. we'll have this non-male-rupaul-type guy dress up in this ugly-ass costume.  He'll have equally ugly little characters with him.  They'll sing but it will be really off key and awful on the ears.  But, we'll tell the kids to look both ways before crossing the street. See?  It's educational!'

Brilliant!

I'm convinced that some key person on this show is the son/daughter of a network owner somewhere.  (And I'll  be honest and say that my kids immediately fall into a trance when they watch it--but I'm not so sure it's because they're interested or they're just as curious as I am and thinking, "what IS that?")

What happened to the gold old days?  What's wrong with having an anvil fall on a mean old coyote's head and laughing at that?  Sure, a little violent but at least no one was trying to teach anyone any lessons.  Who was funnier than Road Runner?  Bugs Bunny?

Anything, ANYTHING has GOT to be better than that.... ummm... person saying, "Can We Dance?"  Tell me you don't look at this show and wonder how the heck it ever got on TV.

What Made Me Smile Today

When I was young it was rare that I stayed home from school.  My mom worked the lunch shift at a local restaurant.  If she missed work, she didn't make any money, and being a single mom that was a big deal.  So, unless we were near death--we were going. 

Staying home, even half dead, was not worth it.  In fact, I got more rest at school.  My mom would load me with laundry, floor washing, and enough vacuuming to make Cinderella look like a whiny spoiled brat.  (She was kinda spoiled though.. no?)  Staying home was not fun--so we learned the lesson early.  Drag your butt to school, keep your head on your desk, and when you get home you can do whatever you want.  It was a good lesson in a way and I can muscle through a lot these days and I credit her for it.  Yet, I am not able to do the same to my own kids.

I do try to make staying home from school unpleasant.  Can't go anywhere.  Can't watch TV.  Can't leave your bedroom. No one actually does any work, but I make sure that if you appear like you're actually well you will go running for the bus tomorrow. 

My eldest, Duke stayed home today.  He has a head cold and was complaining of a headache when he woke up.   I understand headaches--I let him stay home. He's finally made an appearance from his room and the Princess pounced.  She pulled him to her room, put on her best princess dress, hit the tunes, and is forcing the pre-teen to dance to Disney's Princess Ballads right now.  I can hear him saying, "want to do a puzzle?" and she barks, "No! Dance."  Meanwhile I hear, quite loudly, "Can you feel the love tonight" from the Lion King.  All these years of threatening no TV, all I really had to do was give him a little sister and force him to dance.

Shhh! She's Sleeping

I've been up since 5:30am but it's not her fault.  I had a very restless sleep last night, tossing and turning with dreams of mice in my bed biting my feet.  As an FYI, I've never seen a mouse here where we live.  I think the problem was all the free space in my bed.  My body and mind were not sure what to do.  But, how do we sleep?  No one's foot is across your face?

I've finally caved and called the sleep center.  It was recommended to me a year ago for Princess but I wasn't in the mood to deal with it and dragged my feet.  Now Dave and I look like walking zombies and it's time to do something about it.

Years ago I slept like my two sons do--hard as a rock.  I remember worrying that I wouldn't hear my newborn in the middle of the night.  Duke was (is) my best sleeper and it was hard for me to hear him at first.  So, he called for Dad.  (Kids are resilient--they adapt) Duke, sleeps so soundly that we could play catch with him through the house and he'd never know it.  Now, I envy him.  I hear every noise, every dog yapping in the neighborhood, every car that needs a muffler replacement. 

Actually, they all sleep soundly--even Princess.  I clean their rooms after they've gone to sleep at night.  The problem isn't that she's a light sleeper--it's that she wakes up all night long.

A sleep study is basically painless.  They are usually decent and wait for the child to fall asleep (young ones) before hooking them up to the multitude of sensors.  They attach sensors and wires all over the scalp, face, body, legs, and arms.  How a person (who has trouble sleeping) is supposed to sleep with all his crap on is amazing.  I've done this before with Zilla.  They have a bed for the parent in the room so you can sleep too.  That's not what happens though.  The patient rolls back and forth knocking the oxygen meter off their hands or pulls a sensor loose.  The alarm starts to pulse in the room.  No one comes.  Parent gets up and goes to find the "sleep technician" who assures you this happens all the time and they'll take care of it.  As it turns out, they're right.  It does happen all the time.  It happens about every 20 minutes through the night.  Or, you see your child rolling and there are wires wrapping around their neck that you have to unravel.  How are you supposed to sleep while this is going on?  You don't... and that's why I've been dragging my feet.  They kick you out at about 6am.

The study results are pretty telling--does she breathe well, does she have restless leg syndrome, is she getting enough REM sleep, what is her actual sleep cycle like, etc.  It's worth it to do it if you need to--but don't expect to get any sleep if you're taking your child to a sleep center.

What Made Me Smile Today

It’s probably wrong to admit that this made me smile--even giggle a bit. But, there you have it--I’m not perfect.

This morning my son Zilla got annoyed with his sister while playing a particularly intense game of little people at the farm.  The princess, like most princesses, is bossy and that makes Zilla nuts.  He grabbed her arm and squeezed it tight (his usual MO) and she cried.  I came into the room while she’s accusatively pointing at Zilla, tears streaming, and I yelled, “Did you hurt her!?”  He is always honest and quietly said, “yes.”  I asked, “How many times am I going to have to tell you NOT to hurt your sister?!” He was quiet, thought a moment,  and then replied, “A thousand?”

It's Happening Again: More on Sleep Deprivation

I really feel like I'm beating a dead horse here.. but, I'm starting to really lose it.  I understand that everyone talks about how their kids never slept.  Or that they're tired because they had a bad night's sleep.  Listen to me now, they have no idea what I'm talking about.  I'm going to lay this out in real numbers for you.  It's been since April 2003--5 1/2 years--since I've slept all night (and I'm generous and will count anything more than 4 hours in a row).

Zilla was born in April 2003.  The only way he'd sleep is if I was holding him in my arms.  He couldn't just be leaning on me.  He couldn't just be beside me in bed.  The stroller was torture, and a car seat apparently was painful enough to cause screams that would rattle the windows.  He didn't like the Baby Bjorn carrier either because that meant that my arms were free to do other things.  I had to be holding him.  After several months of this, my body ached from sleeping in such an unnatural position night after night.  My brain wasn't working properly anymore from sleeping in 20 minute increments.  Even though I was following the rules and holding him tightly in my arms, he woke every 20 minutes.  By the time he was a year old, I pleaded with my pediatrician asking him what could be wrong.  He said, "Second child syndrome."  He explained that I was probably so worried about Zilla waking up my kindergartner that I ran to him quicker than I did my first.  That wasn't possible because Zilla was never off of my body.

We moved when he was 18 months and put him in a twin bed.  It wasn't like he was sleeping in a crib anyway--so we packed the expensive Bellini crib away.

By some divine intervention I was pregnant with my third child around that same time.  We tried to break Zilla of his nightly journey from his bed to our bed.  Dave would meet him in the hallway and Zilla would scream for hours wanting Mom. I would roll over and cover my head with my pillow as my heart raced--fighting the maternal instinct to run to my child and give him anything he wanted. 

He turned 2.  I saw my pediatrician again.  This time, I must have looked really bad because they ordered a sleep study.  Sleep study results showed that Zilla wasn't breathing.  In fact, he stopped breathing EVERY FIVE MINUTES through the night.  The drop in oxygen would cause him to wake up completely so he could begin breathing again. 

Two weeks before Princess was born Zilla had surgery to correct this problem.  Dave sat at my bed as I held the new princessa saying, "I swear, he just goes to bed and sleeps all night."

Are you still with me?  Zilla started sleeping all night, at 2 1/2 years old, once I was at the hospital giving birth to the non-sleeping Princess.  

Now, the obvious--get her the same surgery.  ;)  I didn't want to put her through it unnecessarily but I do need to get some sleep.  She was scoped by an ENT who confessed he'd prefer to do the surgery than scope a fully awake 2 year old in his office.  As it turns out, she does not have the same issues that her older brothers had.  Her airways are completely clear.

So... (weeping) why won't she sleep?  Why does she keep screaming at night that there are monsters, spiders, bugs, or the Hulk in her room? 

I can't think.  I can't remember things.  I can't focus.  I make lousy decisions.  I can't make decisions.  I stress about things I cannot control.  I've given up on how I look or what I eat.  Everything is overwhelming.  I think about going to the bank and immediately feel like someone has just asked me to please carry a huge trunk full of bricks up that mountain.. that really high one.. the one stupid people climb and then lose toes and fingers and the tips of their noses.. what's that place again?

Sleep Deprivation: A Valid Form of Torture

For some reason the princess woke up at 12am last night.  She walked in our room and brightly announced, "Mom-Mom, I slept all day!"  I mumbled, "My dearest princess,  it's still night time.  We still have to sleep."  The dearest princess began to cry.  She doesn't like sleep much--never really took to the whole concept.  In fact, she's not sure potty training is something she should bother with either--but I digress.

So she cries while climbing into our bed that she doesn't want to sleep anymore.  People are all over the map about a child sleeping in bed with you--the ones that are set against it never spent years just trying to get a few hours in a ROW of solid sack time.  After 3 kids, I could care less where they sleep--as long as they sleep.  Want a big screen in your room so you'll sleep all night? I'll order it right now on Amazon.

Like I said, I'm pretty tired, so if she wants to sleep with us I don't care.  But the Princes starts making demands, like most princesses do. 

"I want water.  I want ice-cold water Mom-mom."  I'll tell ya, you'd better get up and get the water because she's not giving up and you'd better make damned sure that when she shakes the cup she hears the ice cubes clink against the plastic.

After the water break she starts to kick her mostly doting father, for fun,  to a point where he was ready check into a motel. 

1am and she's still wide awake.. no sleeping for her.  "Mom-mom, I hear crickets do you hear crickets outside." 

2am and she's really pushing the kicking dear ole dad in the back playtime.  The killer is that she keeps curling up into my chest making me believe that she's going to go to sleep at any second.  And then, whammo, Dad gets one in the lower back.

Around this time my middle guy walks up to my side of the bed.  Oh my god, I want to cry.  I ask so sweetly, "What's wrong baby?  What do you need?"  He explains, "I'm thirsty, can you get me water?"  Thankfully, a cup of water and help walking back to his bed is all he needs.  I walk by my eldest son sleeping so well in his bed as he has from the time he was six weeks old.  Have I mentioned yet that he's my favorite?

I walk back to my room and glance in my daughter's room.  Honestly, she has a killer room.  It's gorgeous.  And yet, that beautiful room is not occupied by my princess.  I notice that the bed is empty and it is a twin... brand new mattress too.  I decide not to leave my husband in the lurch and return to our room.

Fast forward...

It's now 3am I'm ready to kill myself.  My head is splitting.  She's still wide awake asking me if I hear the crickets.  SO... I decided that she looked like she had a cold brewing and gave her some of the purple stuff.  When you need to sleep.. antihistamines are your friend.  In about 15 minutes she's out (and drug sales just increased all over the country at that news). 

She's finally back in her bed except that at about 4:30am she waltzes back in, "I'm awake now Mom-mom..."  By 5:30 or so I figured "screw it" and got up with her.  It was over--the night was over.  I brought her to the living room and tried to get her to watch TV.  That didn't work that great either (my kids aren't good sitters).. I had to fetch and prepare multiple breakfast items.

I made myself some coffee, and then some more, and then another cup, and at about 1:30 today had another.  I'm convinced that it will be years before my body clock readjusts to normal after all the years of sleep like this...

Couch Potato Kids MUST Be Easier

Today it is raining.  Most people get grumpy about rain and after several days I'd be annoyed to--I love the sun.  But, it's been nice here for many days in a row and I had a brutal night of no sleep last night.. so a little rain gives me the option to wear sweat pants and be a bum holed up in the house. 

The problem is my kids.  They have no concept of "vegging out."  I know there are kids out there like this because I hear about the epidemic. But, my children have somehow avoided the virus.  

Wanna watch a movie?
I can put in the latest and greatest Disney movie and my kids are un-phased.  In fact, unless my kids are restrained in seatbelts, they don't have much use for movies at all.  Can you get sofas with seatbelts?  Five point harness systems?  You think I'm kidding but I'm heading to the patent office tomorrow.

Lay Around
Why can't they just find quiet and non-movement type activities?  Today they were able to play tag in the house (this is NOT a big house).  They played hide and seek (who cares if the hiding spot is always the same).  They upped the ante on freeze tag by covering their heads with blankets.  (I stepped in on that one).  Then they attacked the sofa in my office.  The slip cover was off in minutes (something that usually gets my eye twitching).  First they used the arms as diving boards--jumping towards each other (seriously, look at the picture below--this is fraught with problems).  Then they moved the cushions to the floor, held hands, and jumped into the shark infested waters.  While making coffee in the kitchen I heard Zilla say, "Hey, you know what?  I think I can jump right over your head... stand there.... don't move.. seriously..."  I raced back into the room when I heard the princess enthusiastically saying, "Ok!"

No Matter The Weather
No matter what it's like outside, my kids want to go out.  I should be happy that they are always getting fresh air.  But, when it's pouring rain, or sleet is coming down sideways (in sheets), kids should want to hang out in the house.  Don't you want to sit around and play video games?  All the kids are doing it.. I'm hearing good things.  

Today when Duke got off the bus it was lightly raining.  I knew what he was thinking as I saw him walking from the bus to the house.  He wanted to play baseball outside.  A good mom would say, "Sure!  Exercise is great! Take a bar of soap with you!" Ha Ha Ha.. I'm such a cool mom!  But, I'm not a cool mom.  I just don't have it in me to deal with this today. If he played outside, the other two would want to go outside.  That means wet and muddy kids coming back in.  I just mopped my floor last night.   I was going to have to stand firm--no means no.  You must stay inside and do something sedentary. (I'm actually not that uptight of a mom.. but I'm so stinkin' tired you have no idea.  I'll whine about that later.) 

Well, they haven't stopped fighting.  I remember something from science class.... put a bunch of energy in a small confined place and bad things happen.

I just checked the forecast for tomorrow. Sunshine.  Phew. 

What Made Me Smile Today

Contrary to my lagging posts.. I have smiled several times since the last blog entry.  But, one faithful reader missed me; and that made me smile.

In addition, my kids started school.  Two of my sons are in regular school.  My youngest, the princess, started preschool.  My daughter is devastated that her best friend, Zilla, is now gone most of the day.  She has cried each day my little kindergartner has boarded the bus.  She is angry when he comes home and refuses to come and greet him at the bus with me.  She won't talk to him when he first gets home either.  Each day Zilla gets off the bus, shouts, "Mommy!" and grabs me in a classic Zilla bear hug.  The second thing is ask where his sister is.  I told him that she missed him a lot and didn't understand that he had to go to school and she couldn't go with him.  He just looked at me but didn't say anything.

We walked into the house and she held her head high and her back turned from him as he repeated, "Hi!  I'm home."  He looked at me and I half smiled, shrugging my shoulders.  He wandered towards the Lego pile on the floor of my office where she sat playing.  They  both sat and built quietly.  I watched from the kitchen as she asked him for a piece.  He gave it to her.  After waiting a few moments he said, "Did you go to preschool today?"  She nodded yes.  He said, "was it fun?"  She finally looked at him and smiled shaking her head yes.  He smiled and grew more enthusiastic.  "Did you make me anything?"  She jumped and ran to the fridge to get her picture.  "Look Macky!  I drew a picture of a rock.  For you!"  He held it with great pride and said, "Oh!  This is really nice.  Thank you!"  Then he smiled and said to me, "She's so cute."