Cleaning Your Room: The Rules and Fees

Relax all your parents out there.  I have found the secret to making your children clean their room.  Below is the chart I printed out and put on the wall of their room:

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You will clean your room EVERYday. I don’t care who did it, who spilled it, who stepped on it, who made it, who peed on it, who dealt it, you are responsible for your room. WORK IT OUT

Here is what I expect to see EACH morning:

1. All clothes put away—No stacks of clean/dirty clothes on beds to be put away "later".  No clothes (dirty/clean) on the  floor, and all drawers have to be closed.

2. Bed made (do your best)

3. Floor clear of toys, puzzles, cars, games, guinea pig food, mysterious substances, shoes, legos, stuffed animals, pieces of paper, (do you get where I’m going with this?)

4. Dirty clothes IN HAMPER
5. Hamper full? DO LAUNDRY

IF I have to do any of the above you will be charged the following prices:

1. 25 cents per ITEM*
2. 50 cents
3. 1.00
4. 25 cents*
5. 25 cents

*(If I pick up underwear, shirt, and PJs it will cost you 25cents times 3 or 75 cents)

Love,
Your Mom who is the best Mom in the WORLD

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Has this system worked?  Well,  so far, I've made about $47 dollars.

Clean Up Time and Allowances

We had recently redecorated the boys' room by adding loft beds. We had to take down all the pictures while doing this and it was time to put them back up.  After all, Grandpa and Oma are coming.. gotta make the place look good and get things organized. 

I know I'm a tad picky but when it comes to the bedroom I think the floor should be clear, the closet doors should be able to open and close fully, clean clothes should be put AWAY and I want the damned drawers on the dressers CLOSED. Their room was a disaster and I went into mom-mode and started picking up--shortly after that I started cursing to myself. 

Why can't they put their $%#@ dirty underwear in the hamper?  It doesn't even have a top for $#%@ sake!

Oh my god don't tell me that he left that cup on the floor again.. how many times do I have to tell him that's nasty and put it AWAY?

Is that food?  Oh no they di-n't!

So then, I cleared away my son's desk  and saw the pile of quarters.  The quarters were right beside the small bank we got from TD Bank.  (Of course, beside the bank, just like the dirty socks are beside the hamper)  I looked at the bank and sat it right side up and noticed that the bottom plug was missing.  I looked around and that's when it hit me.  Screw it--keep the money

I give my boys an allowance. Everyone has their own way of handling this issue but in our house we give allowance every week no matter who did what.  You are sharing in the household money and it's not based on performance. They use their money to buy what they want--I take care of all their "needs" and they can use their money for the extra stuff.  Want another Bakugan?  Sure, got any money?  Want a new baseball?  Why not.  Got any money?  The whining stops pretty short when they realize they can't pay for what they want.

I never pay when I ask the kids to do something for me--ever.  I don't want to see their hand out every time I ask for something.  And while there are arguments to/from; I personally don't think the world works that way anyway.  Plenty of people get paid to do absolutely nothing.  The 7 guys at the highway department standing around while 2 power washed the roads in Potsdam, NY last week comes to mind.  But, I digress.

But I have a plan.  Every time I have to make your bed you will PAY ME 50 cents.  Every time I have to put your laundry in the hamper you will PAY ME 25 cents.  Every time I have to do your laundry, put your clothes away, or clear your floor, you will pay me 25 cents per infraction.

I can't wait to tell the boys about my new great idea.

Past Tense

I recently asked my husband to stop at the CVS and pick up some body lotion for me.  Not just any body lotion; Nivea Fat Ass lotion.  It's not actually called that but it may as well be.  It's a gel that is claiming to get rid of cellulite.  I posted on my facebook page asking if it was true and got a lot of positive responses.  We have been having warm weather (finally) and I had a chance to see the legs that have been hiding under thick denim for several months.  I figured I should get on the stuff pronto. 

My husband, Thor, is a pretty good sport and has shopped for MUCH more embarrassing things.  I'm sure you're thinking tampons but actually, he once found himself in the nursing bra section of the store asking my mother if he should buy me the underwire bra or regular.  Some fat ass lotion wasn't really such a bad request (and there were fringe benefits for him--my ass being less fat for example).

He called me on his cell from the store and sounded a lot like when he's unsure about the right sized diaper to buy.  He asked, "Ok, I see the Nivea section. Do you want the patches?"

I thought about it for a second.  Could it be worse than I've imagined?  Do I require more than just a lotion?  Do I need... a patch?  I said, "a patch?  no, it's just lotion." 

"Well, they have this other stuff with patches and a pill you can take..." I stopped him there so I wouldn't have to kill him later.  I said, "Uhh.. it's not quite that dire yet.  Just get me the gel."

Well, I started using the gel.  The instructions say twice a day but I've been using it once a day because.. c'mon.  It's me.  However, it's been a week and I really don't feel or look any different.  In fact, this morning I went to put on my board shorts from last year and nearly gave myself a concussion when my hands snapped from the stuck waist band as if to say, "we ain't goin' any further.. find another swim suit to wear."  So I did the walk of shame back to the dresser, dug deep into the bottom drawer, and found an old stretched out swim suit to shove myself into.  So maybe it's time to actually use the gel twice a day? 

Tonight we sat on our new patio and let the kids light up sparklers and run around in the dark while we talked with our neighbor.  She asked about how we, Thor and I, had met.  We've been married a wicked long time--and I enjoy listening to my husband stumble through that story with people.  He went on to say how he had been shocked at my attention towards him and she was surprised.  He said, "You don't understand.  Back then... she was something else..."  and I stopped him.  "Umm... Back THEN?"  Instead of saying, "No, no, you're still gorgeous.." He said, "Well, really, back then you were it..."  I asked again, "Back THEN?" 

He didn't see what I was asking... maybe it was the wine he had with dinner, or maybe he spent too much time in the sun on the beach today, or maybe he fell and hit his head at some point and I didn't notice, or maybe, just maybe, I need to skip the ice cream tonight and invest in some patches.

Taking Duke to NYC Doc

So my son had been complaining of shoulder pain. Did he tell me about it?  Of course not, that would make my life easier.  I overheard him ask his brother to help him lift something because his arm hurt.  Now, if you know Duke, you know why I dropped everything and nearly called 911. 

Duke never complains of pain.  Even when he was very young, he would get a vaccine and just look at the doctor.  He has a thyroid disorder and gets frequent blood tests.  He could care less.  He has broken ribs, had stitches, and most recently nearly severed his tongue clean off.  Never once did he say, "this hurts." 

He complains about other things like, why doesn't he have a big screen TV in his bedroom?  While we're on the subject of his bedroom, why is that pesky brother of his sharing the room and breathing the same air as he is?  Clearly, we're steps away from a Social Services visit.  Anyway, after visiting with the pediatrician and getting xrays it looked like the shoulder had separated.  A pretty serious injury. 

Duke plays a lot of lacrosse (even though it's a spring sport you can play all year here with various leagues).  And this spring he was playing lacrosse and baseball at the same time.  On top of that, he's a touch obsessed and in our yard is a lax bounce back wall and full size lacrosse goal.  His friends are here daily and all they do is shoot, shoot, shoot. 

I used the NYU doctor referral service.  It's a great (free) service.  You call the number and tell them what you need and what insurance you have.  They find you a few perfect doctors.  They were incredibly kind and while there are plenty of doctors and hospitals out here--this was my son's shoulder we're talking about.  If he was getting cut open, it was going to be the best of the best doing it.

The NYU referral service was kind enough to send me the address in the mail on their letterhead.  I am very comfortable in NY and just tucked the letter in my bag and went on the LIRR with my eldest. 

We went in a little early so I could do some touring with him and distract him from the doctor visit we were about to have.  It was a gorgeous afternoon so we walked from Penn Station over to the Empire State Bldg, up 6th towards our destination of 57th between 7 & 8th.  We found the office and we had an hour until our appointment.  We were both thirsty but I told Luc that I just wanted to talk to the security person and make sure that I was right with the address.  He said, "That doctor hasn't been in this office for over a year.  I think he's down on 20th."

So, we've now walked from 34th to 57th (basic subtraction gives you the blocks) and over a few avenues (add more to our total).  Now we have to race down to 20th!  Well, we weren't doing that on foot--not enough time.  So, we hit the subway and flew down in record time.  The reason I say record time is because as we walked into the doors of the doctor office the skies opened up and it started pouring.

The good news is that Luc's shoulder is NOT separated and does not need surgery.  He has a rotator cuff injury from the constant overhand motion of shooting a lax ball.  Dr doesn't think it's a tear (confident enough to not order a scan).  He's already starting his physical therapy and may be able to play lacrosse in a few weeks.  He still needs to stay off the field for a bit.

When we left it was still raining pretty good.  We ran from doorway to doorway up to the 23rd street subway.  (with this past summer you'd think I'd be smarter and bring an umbrella every where)  I was explaining the grid system to Luc and how subways worked and had him tell me which platform we should stand on, what train we were looking for, etc.  The stations were BUSY as it was 6pm and I was concerned about getting separated (and at 11 yrs old he's not into the idea of holding hands with his Mommy.)

As we boarded the train there was a commotion around me with another group of people.  Just as they decided to get back off the train I looked down feeling something strange on my arm and realized they just took off with my watch.  It was just like they say it happens on TV.  I never saw it happen. 

In spite of the watch and messed up directions I had a great leisurely trip to the city with my eldest boy with really great news. I don't often get to spend so much time with my first born.  It's amazing how easy it is to be in the city with an 11 year old versus a 2 yr old, or 3 yr old, 4 yr old, 5 yr old....

My Feet Are Killing Me

So, I went on a run today even though it was "officially" a day off for me.  And, I've never been known to go against a training program--particularly the day off part.  While I was in the city all day yesterday (walking more than 30 blocks and running up and down several subway staircases in adorable sandals which provided little more support than a pair of socks) my new Nike+ and IPod Nano arrived in the mail.  So I just had to try it out today. 

I went for a shorter run, about 3 miles.  Well, wait a second, I went 2.91 miles.  The Nike + is pretty cool. In addition to the gazillion features, I downloaded a workout from itunes.  It's by Joan Benoit Samuelson and it's called Women's Marathon Mix Vol 1 which you can download (and you don't need the Nike+ for it, just an ipod).  I wasn't sure if I'd like it or not. I've done yoga videos at home and I always turn the sound off.  I despise that fake dreamy sick-soft voice and I didn't want a lot of yakkity yak.  But this was actually really great.  She talks only every once in a while and her advice is appropriate for the time into the workout.  The music was very good and it all worked together nicely.

Finally, Nike has the coolest website.  You can synch your workouts to the site and track your progress.  You can plan out routes using maps, save them to your profile and share them with others.  You can also see other people's routes and mileage.  Right now I've joined in a Disney Half Marathon Challenge which is pretty cool.

I also have to say that today I wore (for the first time) a tank from RioWear.  In an effort of full disclosure, RioWear, or Denise Hand the owner, is a client of mine.  Denise is super nice and sent me an outfit as a gift and today was the first time I realized that I still hadn't tried out her tank (but I wear the yoga pants CONSTANTLY--and I never do yoga).  Normally I don't spend money on myself and I am the one scouring the clearance bins and making do with whatever I have (if you have kids, you know the drill.  buy them everything and buy yourself nothing)  But I have to tell you.. wearing her tank (with built in jog bra) was awesome.  The material felt like wearing a really nice silk top. Normally jog bras and tanks that are fitted are a bitch to put on and take off.  Not this one.  In fact, I'm going to be buying some from her in the next few minutes.  The tank I had even had a small little pocket on the back which would be great to stash a few bucks and some ID for "just in case."

Finally, I need some new running shoes (we used to call them sneakers, didn't we?).  The clearance Reeboks from Kohls were a great deal, but I just told my daughter she could brush her teeth tomorrow so I wouldn't have to get up and turn the water on for her.  So, on tap tonight is to get some sneakers, and no running tomorrow.